I Can't Do It FOR You...But I Can Help You Along Your Way.

Since this book is taking me so long to finish, I'll share a particularly powerful moment I had while at the Convention I mentioned yesterday. It came to mind again, particularly after reading this blog. If you'll take a moment to read it, I hope you can see why I was struck by the contrast of the author's words and my personal experience. 

This was my first time at Convention, mainly because it is very expensive! I currently serve Alpha Gamma Delta as a Recruitment Specialist for Michigan's lower peninsula, so I thought it would be beneficial to attend and meet my sisters from all over North America in person! Skype, conference calls, webinars and email can only go so far. As a first timer, I wasn't really sure what to expect...

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Greek system, there are basically two types of members: "collegians" or "actives" (sisters who are still in college - this is who most people think of when they think "sorority" or "fraternity") and "alumnae" (those who have graduated). As an alumna, I thought I would be one of the few alumnae present. I was so wrong. 

The two sisters who stand out in my mind are a mother-daughter pair: Rosalie and Alberta. Rosalie must be in her 90's and Alberta in her 70's. Rosalie has suffered a series of strokes this year. She is bound to a wheelchair, had a nurse with her at all times (except during ritual) and held a stress ball in her right hand due to damage from the strokes. Alberta must use a walker. Those two were never, ever separated and Alberta held her mother's hand almost constantly.

I think our society is scared of aging, doesn't know how to respond to our elderly citizens and, generally, de-values these people. Unfortunately, many younger sisters, being products of this society, politely but consciously ignored these wonderful, wizened sisters. My friend and I, however, were intrigued by them and went over to introduce ourselves. What an interesting conversation we had!

We talked about everything from how they were related, that Rosalie was a geographer and about the time Alberta spent growing up in the Alpha Gamma Delta house before she was initiated because Rosalie was the "house mom!" Something Rosalie said when describing her stroke really struck me to the heart. She said, "You see my hand? I am of no use to the chapters anymore!" Of all the things to be upset over, Rosalie was worried about being useless to others. What a heart of gold and a true Alpha Gam! Alberta stayed faithfully by her side the entire time, taking measures to comfort and calm. They are incredible women with stories, experiences and full lives to share. 

But perhaps the most important thing Rosalie and Alberta taught me was a wordless lesson: Sometimes another person's touch can be the best healer. We Alpha Gams have an activity where we forms a circle, hold hands and sing favorite songs. Being wheelchair bound and with a walker, naturally Rosalie and Alberta were not able to circle up with everyone else. When I saw this, my friend and I gathered a small group of other sisters to sit with them at their table to make our own, smaller circle within the larger one. 

With nearly 650 women, this was a very powerful thing. To hold Roasalie's warm, gentle, arthritic hand and share the music of our Fraternity was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Sheer joy and laugher shone across Alberta's face as she sang out, loud and proud, 

"Chums are we!

True blue old chums!

Alpha Gam binds us, 

Right loyal she finds us! 

Pals are we, 

Ever we'll be 

True to each other

Dear Alpha Gam chums!"

After the music had ended, my friend and I sat and talked with the two women for a while, promising to write (they live in Colorado, while we are in Michigan) and to see them at the 2014 Convention. Rosalie said she didn't think she'd make it, but she was still holding on to our hands, eyes shining. I assured her that even though body may be broken, spirit is not and never will be so long as our hearts are faithful and true and sisters, family and friends are close. 

If you did not read the blog that triggered this one, I'll summarize: People suffer. They're sick. They are dying. They are facing a major life event such as homelessness, domestic violence or natural disaster. The blogger said that she felt that there was very little she could do. She mentioned doing things like praying, sending a check or volunteering at a soup kitchen but that at best, she considered these things to be akin to "applying a Band-Aid." The writer also feels that people must walk their own paths and, ultimately, suffer through alone. 

While I can see where she's coming from, I must disagree to some extent. I have seen a life saved by a $5 bill. I have witnessed the power of prayer. I have seen the light restored in an elderly woman's eyes after just a few minutes of conversation with another person who simply showed interest in her. 

I would like to think that should Rosalie not make it to Convention 2014, that I helped to make her last Convention one of the most memorable and special times in her life as an Alpha Gamma Delta. 

I would like to think that while our days were scheduled and I did not see her very often during Convention, that she would remember me as a kind person, interested in her and in her life. 

And I don't even have to think, I know that the polite inaction of the other younger sisters was brought to their attention and they expressed shame. I am confident that next time, they will act differently towards older adults. 

I do not think that people must suffer alone - even at the end of their lives. Of course they are on their own path and no one can be with them at the end of that road. But nothing says that they don't want a hand to hold along the way...

MIA

[the Alpha Gamma Delta badge & pearls]

I feel I should write a quick post about why I have been MIA for so long: I attended a Convention for my sorority, Alpha Gamma Delta, in St. Louis recently. In the days preceding my departure for St. Louis, I was packing bags, buying last minute forgotten items and working. While at the Convention, nearly every hour of my day was planned out for me and I did not even bring my computer with me! Whew! I returned on the evening of July 22nd after about a 10 hour car ride home.

The Convention was outstanding: I got to meet many sisters whom I have only heard over the phone or Skype or emailed back and forth with. They are real people, not just some anonymous person behind a screen somewhere! It also reaffirmed my love for Alpha Gam, our ritual, our sisterhood, our Purpose. For those of who are not Greek and are college-age, I highly encourage at least going through formal recruitment on your campus to see what it's about. I have gotten so many opportunities academically, socially, professionally and personally by being a member of a Greek organization.

Now that I'm off my soapbox about Greek Life, I will say this: I have been working on a new book to review! I was a GoodReads.com First Reads winner and obtained a copy of two pre-print or very newly released books. I'm not going to share the "identity" of the book I am reading right now - I want to reserve my comments until I finish just in case I change my mind. But I will say this: it's a challenge! I am looking forward to finishing it this weekend so I can share with you!

Until then, hang tight! I'm still here - and I'll be back to my usual activity soon!!

Book Review: Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster & Summer Reading Challenge Update

If you've been following, you know I set a challenge for myself back in early June to read 20 books this summer. This is to help fulfill my yearly challenge or 50 books. I failed miserably last year and thought if I took advantage of my time off in the summer, I could get a lot more read. 


I'd like to think that I'm right on schedule: I just passed the 10-book mark! I have not reviewed them all (yet) but the one I just finished is "Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office: A Memoir" by Jen Lancaster. 


Here's a synopsis (from Goodreads): 


This is the story of how a haughty former sorority girl went from having a household income of almost a quarter-million dollars to being evicted from a ghetto apartment... It's a modern Greek tragedy, as defined by Roger Dunkle in The Classical Origins of Western Culture: a story in which "the central character, called a tragic protagonist or hero, suffers some serious misfortune which is not accidental and therefore meaningless, but is significant in that the misfortune is logically connected."

In other words? The bitch had it coming.


My Thoughts:


I had high hopes for this book. It is the first one I have read by Jen Lancaster and her titles are always so funny. I will give her credit - she can be a pretty comical person. And she's honest: condescending, egomaniacal and self-centered are all very good words to describe her. The first chapter alludes to "the bitch had it coming," so as I was continuing with the book, I was hoping that at some point a lesson would be learned, she would change her ways or thoughts about others, etc. In the final chapter, she says something along the lines of "I've learned nothing." It's unfortunate and, again, true.
I found myself horribly irritated and trying to get through the middle part to find out how this horrible person would change for the better. I never fully got my wish. Granted, she does learn that money isn't everything and learns to find value in small things in life (and even makes a major career change due to her learning) but the "I'm better than you" and "You're disgusting, homeless, filthy, immigrant hippies" part about her never seems to go away. I can understand a certain level of aversion towards certain populations, but honestly much of this book bordered on offensive.
Maybe it's just because I'm a worthless, cretin social worker (surely, in Jennsylvania this would be true...) and I have an ounce of empathy for others, but I just did not find her mean spirited comments or self pity that entertaining or hilarious. I suppose if that's your type of humor, you'd enjoy this book. As for me, if I decide to read anything else by this author, I'll be getting it from the library (you know, where the poor people go?) and not spending $13 on the download. Disappointed.


Final Word: C-

Book Review: Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

Skinny by Ibi Kaslik

Synopsis (by Barnes & Noble): 

Do you ever get hungry? Too hungry to eat?

Holly’s older sister, Giselle, is self-destructing. Haunted by her love-deprived relationship with her late father, this once strong role model and medical student, is gripped by anorexia. Holly, a track star, struggles to keep her own life in balance while coping with the mental and physical deterioration of her beloved sister. Together, they can feel themselves slipping and are holding on for dear life.

This honest look at the special bond between sisters is told from the perspective of both girls, as they alternate narrating each chapter. Gritty and often wryly funny, Skinny explores family relationships, love, pain, and the hunger for acceptance that drives all of us.

My Thoughts:

** spoiler alert ** I enjoyed this book at some parts and in others I wanted to throw it and shout, “Stereotypical! Overdone!” Of course if you’ve read several books on a certain topic (the Holocaust, Japan or, in this case, anorexia) certain things are going to overlap and be repetitive. This book stands out from the rest in the way Giselle describes her experience. Many people claim that when in the clutches of anorexia, it feels as though they are possessed by something other than themselves. This was certainly the case here, but the descriptions of actually looking in the mirror and seeing something completely different were interesting. 

It was also different from many stories in that Giselle seemed to genuinely want to beat this thing much of the time. I also enjoyed when the story was told from her perspective that she spoke as if she were the patient (she is a med student in the book) and was very much detached from things. Of course this theme of detachment is common among many anorexics, the style used in the telling here is refreshingly unique.

Of course there was the usual questioning sexuality, high academic achiever, poor relationship/deceased father, drugs and alcohol abuse - but not in the same devil-may-care recklessness as in Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher. In this case, Giselle openly admits that the poor relationship with her late father affected her. She claims that she was basically self medicating with the drugs and alcohol. She also recognizes and agonizes over the fact that she sabotages relationships and struggles with her boyfriend.

On the other hand, her sister Holly is a sassy private school girl who excels in athletics far more than in academia. She had a good relationship with her father and is just entering the “world of boys.” Holly’s telling of the story mirrors the same frustration many similar characters in other books have in trying to understand and be supportive of this deadly illness. Add to this equation Giselle’s boyfriends open interest in Holly, her experimental and rash personality, a hearing impairment, and the world of private school discipline and it is clear that Holly has her own demons to battle. 

Perhaps what I liked most about this book is that it does not have a happy ending. Giselle dies. Plain and simple, the anorexia kills her. The way this story was written had me feeling pulled in many directions: Hopeful that Giselle would get better. Fed up with her whining and excuses. Slapping my forehead when Holly repeatedly got into trouble. Angry at their mother who did not even seem interested in trying to understand what was going on. Most books about eating disorders start out telling how the disorder started (some trauma, usually, or the also common “I didn’t even realize it!”), how someone intervenes, what help was given and how through struggles, hard work, tears and support from family and friends they are not living healthy and happy lives. This is not one of those books. Many loose ends are left that way, but in a good way. 

If you’ve read several books on eating disorders or anorexia in particular, this one is definitely worth taking a look at if for no other reason than that it is different on many levels.

Final Word: B+